By: Muffmull
4 min read
We all know that leaders have the ability to take others on a journey to see and feel “what can be”. Good leaders set the true north vision for the companies they steer, and then carefully guide their teams to that promised land. They garner the buy-in and shared passion from the group by clearly defining the values and the roadmap in which to achieve their lofty goals. Leaders can paint images for others as to how customers and employee’s lives will be enriched by leveraging and reinforcing the value proposition that the company brings to market. With a strong leader, all stakeholders win.
When I first became a sales leader in a large media organization, my boss asked me a few months after taking the role, why my transition appeared so seamless, natural, and void of the typical speedbumps. He was curious in nature, and hence wanted me to explain what I thought made me a natural and respected leader. Lively lunch conversation followed.
My answer was simple. I drew my management and leadership resources from my own parenting style. I, (in tandem with my husband), employed unconditional love and support, coupled with high accountability for our children. We held our kids, (who were by then college age), to high standards. Accountability was in the form of respect for us and others, as well as the expectation that they employed the time, attention and focus to ensure that their talents and resources were never dismissed or taken for granted. My daughter used to call me a “Hardo” (slang meaning I was told is, to be hard core). I reflect in my own way as a “Compassionate Hardo”. This allows me the fine balance as a parent, and yes, as a leader, to deeply love and care while simultaneously driving high expectations and outcomes.
While raising our children, my husband and I many times thought how kind folks were to acknowledge us as “good parents”. Some colleagues and friends at times joked that we should share our parenting secrets in a book. By the time high school and college came around, and after dozens and dozens of affirmative parenting comments, we paused, laughed, and realized, that maybe it was true! And how lucky we feel, even our children, on many unprompted occasions, have shared their gratitude for how we loved and cared them, and also how we pushed them to always be their best selves and high achievers in their respective careers and passions. I have thought about the formula…
The secret sauce of a Compassionate Hardo:
- Always love with an open heart and mind
- Share your empathy for those in your care (family or your teams)
- Create a solid vision of what can be — “the best is yet to come”, what will success look like? …(Visual quotes and pictures can move mountains — Dream Big lived over our family room door for years)
- Set expectations and goals and hold everyone accountable to achieve them…(Balance hard work, versus failure on its own, and know when to use consequences)
- Freely reward others with love, kindness, praise, and hope — you will know the when and why!
As I sit now in an empty nest and lead a team of my own at the office, I continue to put into action this game day plan. I reflect on my youngest daughter who had a tough learning disability, who begrudgingly persevered, and is now graduating with a 4.0 from college with a special recognition from the International Honor Society of Education (Kappa Delta Pi). She will be off to graduate school in August. There were painful long battles to be fought over tutoring and practice, when all the while, these things were amplifying the resentment she had over feeling stupid and different. The easy thing would have been to let her win, so we could just stop the overwhelming stress in our home. Her school administrator actually said to me, “Well, someone has to be average”! NO WAY. That wasn’t in our plan for her. We held our expectations true to course, and she is so happy now that we did. We held her accountable for something better.
Our older daughter was always high achieving academically with many awards and plaques lining her walls. At age 15, she was the Host and Associate Producer of a children’s television show that aired across the country as well as in Hong Kong and Guam. She was recently named “25 Under 25” in Boston for her achievements in business. Her days of sneaking out and going to raves, smoking weed, drinking, and more, were always met with harsh consequences and conversation about the life she would give up if she continued. Her intellectual resources were too strong to throw them away. We were often called the “meanest and worst parents” in town because of what we did and didn’t allow her to do in comparison to her peers. What an honored title my husband and I earned!
So ahh, leading my children, and role modeling for them, is the mirror of what I do with my team each day. I actually do the hard stuff, because it is always worth it. It is my commitment and responsibility to make the ones within my circle of care better than they were the day before. I will follow what I know, because parenting has been the ultimate leadership bridge.
